The Gifts We Give to Our Children

I am so happy that my husband and I were able to help our daughter get a nice car -- today!  She will be graduated from university very soon and will head off across country on her own.  I'm not a 1 percenter, no where close, not even in the same universe.  So the car is not brand new.  But it is a nice car, an import, has all the bells and whistles, is a couple years old, and as a certified used vehicle has a two year or 25,000 miles warranty.  We were able to give her a sizable down payment so that she could afford payments on a car that will last through grad school and beyond with any fortune at all.

The gift is more than we can afford, but that is okay.  The Hubby and I are both products of totally dysfunctional families that did as much to hurt us as to help us.  I swore when I married and had a baby that I would raise my daughter to know that she is loved and that she would never doubt that she is entitled to have her needs met.  We've done better than our parents did in raising children, but we were far, far, far from perfect parents.  But we've always tried to meet her needs and prepare her to launch herself from our nest into an independent life from the best footing possible. 

So if I am posting a response to the Day 2 NaBloPoMo prompt: "What was the most disappointing gift you received as a child?"  and I am not sure that the above stuff relates, but anyway... I guess that the most disappointing gift I received was during third grade when my Christmas gifts were an ugly hat, a Bible, and some bath salts.  I was really sad that I didn't get anything fun.  But now that I'm older, this does not seem as bad as it did then.  We were very poor.  I still have the Bible.  The gift I was most disappointed by was the most precious gift a parent can give to a child, it was what I wasn't given as a child.  That was the gift of self esteem and self-worth that comes from knowledge of unconditional love.

We gave my daughter a gift today that helped her get a car, but the most important thing we've given her isn't related to physical objects or money and while that is good, it isn't good that we understand this from getting not so good things in childhood.  It can and does get better though with acceptance and understanding that healing takes place not only within individuals but over generations. 

Women, Natural Disasters, and Economic Reconstruction

Fire, floods, and massive tornadoes - this spring is one of the first truly "different" seasons that screams climate change.

I found this old post and thought it worth re-posting on the day I'm having my septum moved, corrected, or whatever.

The Women's Edge Coalition released an article in 2005 (after Katrina) that highlighted how natural disasters disproportionately take a huge toll on women.  The next year the Coalition reported on the Tsunami.  For communities to rebuild and life to return to a equitable norm, women's needs must be prioritized at the highest level of importance.   This is now referenced at the Women Thrive Worldwide site and remains pertinent. 

photo credit:  Xanderalex,  www.sxc.hu

Disasters impact women severely in specific ways which are often not recognized, especially during the reconstruction phase after the crises have faded from the news. For example, violence against women usually rises dramatically in the immediate aftermath of a disaster, as legal and social structures are shaken. In Nicaragua for example, 27 percent of female survivors of Hurricane Mitch in 1998 reported increased violence within the family, and even after the Loma Prieta earthquake in California in 1999, reported sexual assault rose by 300 percent.  (Womens Edge Coalition, 2005)

Just as is the case with any cultural imbalance, whether it be political, economic or religious in nature, women and children are disproportionately harmed by life out of balance. "Women and children first" was not a Victorian disaster catch phrase but a recognition of the disproportionate importance the mother child dyad to not only family stability but to societal stability.

Women's Thrive also has a pdf download about poverty trade and globalization that is one of the few intelligent articles I've found that touches on how the dominant economic process negatively impacts women and children.

Nesting Is Fine But...

Nesting is fine, wonderful, rewarding, but I'm so glad that my little bird has opened her wings and is learning to fly.  Not that I would have actually given her the birdy mom boot but the time is right.

I will refer to my daughter as  Ms Zilla to keep her life as private as I can and still write about her with a motherly pride. Why Zilla?  Because like Godzilla she could devastate a small city in 10 seconds flat when she was little.  To say she was and is a force of nature is an understatement of galactic proportions.

Zilla  has always let me know, before the child rearing texts said a stage would happen, what she needs.  She told me when she was ready for solid food, she realized early on that she didn't have to poop in her diaper and she never did again, one day when she was 14 months old she just stopped asking for the breast.

She is still ahead of me.  She is an old soul.  My mother said she never saw a baby so capable of responding with intention at such an early age.  She said this when Zilla was around 3 months old. I have to agree.  She has always been ahead of herself.  So busy.  Such a distinct presence.  And now I'm learning how to live my life with her out of my house and hair.... well almost out.

Zilla lives near us with a couple sisters as housemates.  She graduates from college in December.  I'm starting this blog to chronicle my independence, transition, and how motherhood will change for me dramatically when she moves to another state after she graduates.  I've always been a different type of mom, and this is no different.  Her baby journal is happening when she leaves home.  I was busy up until now.  Still am busy, but with things that focus on me and planning for this next phase of my life.  

Oh, I also wanted to say that I am not an empty nester.  I do not like that term.  I don't feel empty.  My house isn't empty.  Sure I'm sad from time to time that my baby doesn't need me in the same way she used to, but mainly I am proud that she is successfully planning an independent life.  That was my job.  It means that I was successful.