Erma Bombeck Warned Us

We are all Erma Bombeck now.  I was perusing the Pinterest pins and surfed over to a site containing Erma Bombeck quotes when I realized that at least half of the bloggers I read are following in the ink stained trail of Erma's wit and wisdom.    But then I've always thought Erma was far more political and downright cagey than she was ever given credit for being. 

Some of the best quotes of hers from the page on women's history on about.com:

• When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

• It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. 

• Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed.

But I think my favorite one is this one:

• We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attaché cases and our three-piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.

What, oh what, wisdom would Erma have for us in these days when men with severe and degenerative cases of '50s-ism? (def: mental illness in which an illogical and irrational desire to return to a non-existent time period during which June Cleaver and Donna Reed existed and roamed the Earth).   Pssst.  Wake up!  I think right now is the "worse" she was talking about! 

So what are you going to do for International Women's Day this year?  I think we should all do something.  Ideas?  Oh, International Women's Day is March 8th. 

What I've Been Doing! Such a Hussy!

Okay so I sort of promised in yesterday's post that I would be talking about the stuff I worked on this week.  But that was before I came down with a rip tooting hullabalooting cold last evening and before my nose fell off this morning.  It's hyperbole, folks.  But this will be shorter than I had anticipated due to difficulty typing because of constant drip-drip-drip from my nose.  Ack. Gack. Kerchoo!

Anyway... I own the URL donenesting.com and I have been trying to figure out what to do with it.  I think I have come to a decision and I've started working on the site.  I've hinted previously that I really want to have a blogging, networking, blog-carnaval-ish site for folks who are through with the broody phase of their lives and are done nesting but really are not all that keen on the term "empty nest."

I really like the image I came up with for Done Nesting and I think I will use it for the donenesting.com site. Note that I've added little scrapbook photo holder tabs on the image.  I think it is cute with them, don't you agree? 

We can hope there is nothing missing from most people's lives who demographically fit the category of empty nester; the natural progression of raising a family requires the shift in roles as time passes. 

Anyway, the website template that I want to use, called elist, allows people list their sites and the site can be a compilation of Done Nester sites as well as listings of blog posts in a WeBloPo Challenge (ala NaBloPoMo and GBE 2)  that stands for  Weekly Blog Posting Challenge that is sort of like a  Blog Carnival in which bloggers agree to post on a certain topic at a certain time and have their collective posts listed together somewhere online. 

This idea grew out of my participation in the BlogHer site and events which clued me in to phenomenon of mommy bloggers who naturally cluster together for defensive ;-) or strategic purposes.  There just doesn't seem to be a perfect fit with a group of more mature (Why oh why do I always think of manure when I write the word mature?) writers or artists or hussies that I have found.

We were sooo Classy! 

Aside:  I have only felt at HOME in one online community, the one and only ORIGINAL Brazen Hussies, and that was one in which I was known as The Word Wench. ( It was a great group of folks who loved the glamour of old Hollywood and witty, suggestive (in the way of old Hollywood) repartee.  This was way back in the late 1990s and early 2000s. The site is still there and kept up by a loyal editor but the community has sort of fallen by the way side which is natural don't you know, darlin', for folks who just can't keep on the straight and narrow.  I was best known back then for my cadre of pool boys and for being able to logically and necessarily referring to John Waters in every single Word Wench post, dish, or article that I wrote.  Oh my goodness, I did it again!

Anyhoo, something I said all the time in that former wenchy life, I will be setting up the site and trying to figure out the blog posting permissions for WeBloPo (and yes, this newly invented word is why I thought of the good old days with the Brazen Hussies) for those who list their sites.  So check it out if you want and give me feed back and sign up or list yourself and help me figure out how it all works.    It won't launch for a few weeks yet and our mistakes can always be disappeared.

I did other stuff this week too involving finances, boomer domains, talking to my precious b-daughter (as contrasted with my s-daughter) as she goes for interviews and deals with the sub-arctic temps of her newly adopted home.

Hasta whenever.... I may just post pics these next couple of days if I don't feel any better this weekend than I do now.

A Full Range of Emotions

I started this blog when my Zilla was living in the same city as me, but in her own place while going to college.  Most parents experience the empty nest in some form by having a child move out of their home.  Not all experience the empty nest of a child moving far away.  I still feel that this is a good and natural process that comes about with successful parenting.  But when a grown child is thousands of miles away, the emotions are more complex. 

Yes, I'm still happy to have the constant parenting behind me as it allows me to work on my stuff without interruption more often.  But the distance is more than the ideal distance.  I have to admit that I teared up a few times along the way on the road trip to help her move to Minneapolis.  I teared up as we were pulling away from our home here.  Leaving her on the steps of her new home as I drove away found me sobbing a bit.  Visiting my parent's graves also found me crying as I thought of how they never got to see her as an adult and how proud they would have been had they known her.  Driving back into Tucson alone really triggered a sad, lonely feeling in me. 

Because my husband was on a business trip when I returned home, my house seemed very empty. 

I do not feel empty.  If I didn't have a full life I would not be experiencing this range of emotions. I'm happy to be young enough to be able to launch projects and feel that I'm entering a new phase of my life that is full of promise. There is time for my husband and I to get to know each other again and have our schedules accommodate only our needs.  I also now have my office space and a guest room.  While I miss my daughter and wish she didn't live quite so far away, there are many positives aspects of this new phase too. 

So to answer a question that I have sort of framed here, I can be done nesting, but I will always be a parent and my parenting now happens to include being a role model for letting go and for how to accept transitions in life.  There are stages to being done nesting.  I didn't really know that until going through the experience myself. 

Christmas Crepes for Two

Hubby is over at the turtle tank picking out dried shrimp from the canister of turtle food and Randy the Turtle is gobbling them up as fast as they are dropped in the tank.  Merry Christmas Randy! 

The doggies are chowing down on braided doggie chews made of raw hide.  The cats have been brushed with their new brush.

Our tummies are full too!  Our traditional Christmas breakfast of coffee, mimosas, and Christmas Crepes. The recipe will follow a bit further down.  They make great New Years Day Crepes too!

It has been a relaxed Christmas morning thus far.  This is our first Christmas on our own since 1989.  While we were expecting Zilla to be here with us this Christmas, her Honey Bunny's older brother sent her a ticket to surprise the HB in Minneapolis for Christmas.  She left yesterday morning, and when her HB arrived at his brother's house to open gifts before Christmas Eve Dinner he thought he was opening a "coffee table" over which Zilla had been obsessing and was supposed to be for their new home (and life) together that will start in January.   HB's older bro. told him Zill had something shipped to him and he had assembled it.  So HB was none the wiser when there was a huge box among the presents.  He was dumbfounded when Zilla popped out of the top of the box.   What a wonderful present for them, and what a wonderfully calm Christmas for us!  The East Coast contingent of the family are down at the winter home of  Poet Boy's parents South of here, close to the border, and we will see them later today or tomorrow morning to watch the twins dressed in new clothes play explore new kinds of play with new toys. 

I'm happy and content.  I'm writing and Hubby is sketching.

Here is the most decadent recipe ever, it is Hubby's own, perfected this year after over twenty years of testing.  Yum!  We've drastically cut the usual amount of sugar this year and it is not only something that might be appropriate for a celebratory breakfast even for a diabetic like myself by cutting the sugar or substitution of a stevia-based sweetener for the sugar.  The fat content is sinful, and absolutely delicious.  It is probably safe to eat this once a year.  More often would not be healthy; delicious, but not healthy.  

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Robin's Christmas Crepes

Strawberry Topping (for 4 crepes)

4 very large strawberries (or as many as you want!) sliced into very thin slices
juice of 1/2 large lemon
1 Tbs. sugar


toss all ingredients together and let stand while you make the filling and crepe batter



Crepe filling (for many!) 

1   15 oz. container (which is  425 gr.) ricotta cheese
1 stick of butter (1/4 c. is 113 gr. which is also 4 oz.)
1 pkg. of cream cheese (8 oz. which is 227 gr.)
1/4 tsp. vanilla
1 Tbs. sugar
lemon zest

beat all ingredients together (we used a mixer) beat until mixture is a consistently thick, smooth and creamy

makes far more filling than is needed for four crepes,
cover and refrigerate unused filling,
use in crepes when you whip up new batches of crepe batter and fruit topping for others as they drop by throughout the day or week of festivities  --  topping keeps for up to three days when properly sealed and refrigerated 


Crepe batter (for 4 crepes)

beat together
3 eggs
1/3 c. heavy whipping cream        
1/4 tsp. of vanilla
lemon zest

slowly sift
1/2 c. flour
into mixture


pour 1/4 batter on preheated and oiled griddle, or pan, to make a nice round crepe,
flip crepe over when top of crepe begins to appear rubbery and non-liquid,
cook until done and lightly golden brown on both sides

repeat 3 more times until you have four crepes

Assembly

We usually have the person eating the crepes do their own assembly.

place crepe on plate
spoon filling to taste into the center of crepe and spread to desired thickness
roll up the crepe
top with strawberry topping

Eat and enjoy!

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May this Holiday and the coming New Year be Merry, Bright and Prosperous for all of you my dear readers!

Empty Nesters Done Nesting

Are you what is now referred to as an empty nester?  I prefer to say I am done nesting.  Empty nest syndrome is a maladjustment to children leaving home and heading out on their own.  I prefer to frame the experience as a success.  You reared your children and now you are done nesting.  Seems perfectly logical to me.  I know I am not alone in viewing this life transition this way.

So if you are also done nesting, feel free to grab the following image and scale it to your needs to post as a widget (badge of honor for being a successful parent) on your blog.  I made it today.

I will turn this into a badge with code when it is a bit less hectic around the home front.  I think I will host a Done Nesting Blog Carnival next month too.

Empty Nests or Out on a Limb

Most nests are tucked into branches reinforced with twigs and constructed with love, threads, blades of grass and found bits of ribbon and string.  When the structures are no longer housing progeny, mother and father birds find themselves hanging out on a limb with spare energies, once directed further down the limb,  swirling around them.  Eddies of awareness and updrafts of familiarity shape the air.

Now that a metaphor has been constructed we can begin to attach words and sentiments to it.  

There is something called empty nest syndrome, and like those swirling winds mentioned above, it is amorphous and our attempt to label it is an attempt to control it.  I'm a very firm believer in the notion that control is a total illusion. For me, someone who has spent a huge amount of time studying how humans organize themselves, I believe processes are far more important than specific behaviors that we have boxed up into neatly stacked terms and definitions.  Processes drip through unsealed seams and corners, creep out of from under loosely positioned lids, and even disperse like a gas through porous sides of a container.

Empty nest syndrome is described as the sadness, lack of purpose, fear, depression, and loss of interest that many parents experience when children leave home to make their way in the world.   From what I can tell from my research, the person most often experiencing one or more of these symptoms is female and middle aged.  I do not doubt this condition exists.  I do however wonder why it exists.  An empty nest usually signifies success in the first several stages of parenting before it evolves into grandparenting.  What's so bad about that?

I clarify and direct my thoughts in times of "now whatness" by looking back to note the things I have stopped doing during the years I was intensively parenting.

I can be selfish!   I.  I.  I.  Me. Me.  Mine.  MY time.  My Goddess, I have a wonderful prospect of many more productive and healthy years.  I can stir the pot in so many ways.

I can raise hell with politicians that are thinking short term rather than long term. 
I can read the books I've wanted to, but had to put aside because of lack of time over the years.
I can learn to be calm and slow down the hectic pace of life.  Breathe.
I can make dinner or not.  (The hubby is a big grown up guy and can take care of himself.)
I can start a business.
I can do things for others (volunteer) or take a break from care-giving.
I can just follow my whims and enjoy the moment.

Now for the boogieman of the empty nest.... dealing with the strange bird who is in your living room every night with the remote in his hand.   When you research empty nest syndrome associated with couples rather than an individual the word divorce comes up again and again.  But that is for another day.