Personal Changes In The Empty Nest

My post 10 Things Lists – Should Content Be Organized This Way? over at my business website should more than count for today's post towards meeting my NaBloPoMo requirement, but I'm not sure it does, so here goes.

I usually find the blogging challenge to be a great way to motivate myself to write something early in the day to get me going toward work.  But writing multiple blog entries can be difficult.  Ideally I would like to have so many articles back-logged that this does not become a problem, but today it might. I'm not in the best of moods, today.

I don't usually write about personal, ongoing challenges - other than depression - but I'm changing that today as I think if this blog is to be of any real use to anyone other than for purposes serving prurient interest by family and friends (Hi all!) then I should be honest.

Dear,  dear Hubby has not really clued in to this fact, although I have told him in many different ways, that I am working in my office all day, every weekday, and some other days too, from now on,

commencing this past Monday, the first week I am home after my husband's return from Sabbatical and after my b-daughter's move across country.  I've tried to gently and consistently let him know that if he comes home and the house isn't clean, which it never is - this is ME talking after all, that it just means I've had a productive work day.

But very morning so far this week he has let me know there are pressing tasks that must have my attention today.  They were pressing, no doubt about it, but I still bristle when he acts like a supervisor and checks in to see that I have enough work, from him, to keep me busy all day. 

Yes, some of this is because I am "at home."  But he did this in a slightly different fashion when I worked full-time and was on-call 24/7, had a small child, led a Girl Scout Troop, and was part of a Girls Soccer support group,

There are many, many times and ways he could have conveyed the same information without alienating me.  And there are probably still some ways I could learn and practice to not let these behaviors bother me. 
But the truth is, until large chunks of money start coming in from my work that are at least as great as what he makes, he won't take me seriously.  That has always been a problem.  I will not ever see any different behavior from him.  Remember, this is the guy who told me before we married that his career would always come first, but that does not make it any easier to live with now than it did almost 23 years ago.  My take then was, "Well, at least he has a career!"   

Aside: My ex routinely lost good jobs and the last time he did it was so he could stay home and make sure I didn't leave him.  Needless to say, that did not work.  By comparison Hubby was a gem.  And in many ways he is.  He is a world class scientist who has done novel work in neuro-pharaceuticals that will make life better for countless generations to come. 

And no this does not come straight out of The Donna Reed Show, or maybe it does?  Was Donna Reed married to a Dr.?  If so, then it does apply.   Physicians, veterinarians, scientists and other "powerful" professional careers with hefty "respect" and sometimes hefty salaries often have blinders that seem to distance them from "regular" life. 

 Aside: But salary generalization isn't the case for research scientists who are usually at universities and receive only a fraction of what industry would pay them but who are committed to original, boundary pushing, ground-breaking, research. 

Some of my friends think I'm crazy to put up with this rather old-fashioned behavior, but to me marriage is a life-long partnership unless there truly are irreconcilable differences.  I don't think our problems are irreconcilable.  I am not even convinced that the behaviors with which I have problems are from old fashioned gender expectations but rather from the hierarchical culture that exists in the scientific academy.  But something close to this situation is something with which many "empty nesters" have to deal in one fashion or another.  Behaviors that might have been passed off as "just the way it is" become reframed with the new context that develops when the care-taking functions that had been centered on the child or children cease to be daily considerations which significantly shifts the behavior of those folks who were care-takers. 

So, in short, my first week of work on my "new" career, has thus far encountered a few rough spots, but I have been successful overall.  I will talk about some of those successes tomorrow.

Discovering the Truth About Christmas Treats

I miss the taste of the sweet treats of the season.  I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes in May of this year, so this is the first Christmas season without sugar.    Sigh.

I'm lucky though, I can control the disease with diet and exercise and Metformin.  I don't have to do the daily blood tests.

I've learned to stop and appreciate the beauty of the treats under glass in bakeries, to breathe in and delight in the memories and emotions that rich scents of cinnamon, almond, clove, fruit evokes.  This lack has made me appreciate the real treats when I find them.  It is almost like a game.  I ask myself,  " If I could freely eat a few, select sweet treats, would this be one of them?" 

To my surprise, I find myself usually answering,  "No." 

If the tempting item is in a bag, I remind myself it is not fresh.  And fresh, straight from the oven, still gooey and steaming is the only way to eat most treats such as cookies.  I walked down the isle in overstock and remainder grocery I go to at least once a month, a store that saves my budget and me from despair, with all the baking goods to get a great deal on cans of evaporated milk, and walked right past the boxes of brownie and cake mixes with their ingredient lists of over 15 items including preservatives and fillers and multiple forms of second class sweeteners. No problem.  If I were to indulge, it would and indulgence with something homemade with love and real true ingredients.  In the grocery near my home, I walk in and the sweet smell is overpowering.  It is cloying in its overabundance, and there is something missing.  The scent of spices, butter, nutmeats and simmering fruit is absent.  There is just the smell of white flour and sugar.  This, too, I can forgo.

The piles of candy everywhere brighten with red, white, and gold wrappings.  But I can decorate with strings of popcorn and cranberries and shiny baubles;  I don't need gold boxes of chocolates,  and bowls of red and green candies.

I am pretty sure I can figure out how to make a fruit cake that is filled with the heady richness of freshly ground spices, healthy fruit and nuts and a tiny bit of honey and just enough Stevia to add some sweetness without bitterness so as delight guests and allow my own indulgence once or twice.  I am sorting through my recipes and looking for recipes I can modify so as to be able to make plates of treats to give away without exposing myself to dangerous temptation.  Many recipes I remember from my childhood were simple ones that I can adapt to use a sweetener that is natural, and with a lower glycemic index than the "white death" soaked cookies we too often think of as "Christmas cookies."  Chocolate (dyed green) and white (dyed red) cookie doughs rolled into flat sheets then layered and rolled and sliced to make pinwheel cookies were always on my mother's Christmas sideboard.  She also made almond flavored butter cookies shaped into tiny crescents with a clove stuck in each one.  Regular plain and simple cookies can be decorated with chopped fruits, nuts such as almonds that can be tinted into festive colors.   I will include clementines on the trays, and nuts, just like they did in the days of the Nutcracker. 

I will make Christmas trays of goodies for family and friends, and if so moved to do so, I may sample one bite from each type on different days, and I will allow myself to roll the tastes around, over my tongue, savor the real, true sweetness of home made delicacies without artificial anything while sharing the Holidays with the real, true sweet things in life: my family and friends.